So I'm moving sites, as of now. If you're reading, I've moved to wordpress. Click the title to go directly there
XO,
Sam
Tuesday, October 21, 2008
Tuesday, May 27, 2008
And you turn around and it's not a dream...
So we sign papers for the new house tomorrow. And I really want to be excited. But I feel like it's taken us a mountain of pain to get here.
Wednesday of last week, we found out that my fiance's cousin was found dead in his barracks in California.
How do I cope? I believe firmly in the military. I'm marrying an army boy, and know far too many people that joined after I graduated. So what do I do when faced with a 21 year old with PTSD who had a month left to go until he was out.
He was on 8 meds...seeing people who had died..and engaged to be married next March. He wasn't getting the help he needed..and for all the good that they are presumed to do, the military couldn't manage to find one single opening for him in a counseling program to help him deal with his demons.
We are hoping it's accidental. I've never hoped for anything so much in my life. But god, to go through the heartbreak of realizing that your son couldn't cope with what was going on in his head anymore. I wouldn't want anyone's parents to have to go through that, especially his parents.
And his fiancee. She picked her dress up last Monday. She was getting their place ready for him to come home. And now? It's my worst nightmare come to life.
How am I supposed to appreciate a system that doesn't even appreciate those who are willing to give their life for it? I mean, it's not like Chad and I were close. We weren't. I hung out with him a few times, but always with the other cousins around. But to see his family going through this is something that pulls out the protective side of me. These people are too good to be faced with such a tragedy.
Back on track though...we're moving this week. And thank goodness because I really don't think I could be this together about it if my mind weren't already occupied with everything else going on.
Wednesday of last week, we found out that my fiance's cousin was found dead in his barracks in California.
How do I cope? I believe firmly in the military. I'm marrying an army boy, and know far too many people that joined after I graduated. So what do I do when faced with a 21 year old with PTSD who had a month left to go until he was out.
He was on 8 meds...seeing people who had died..and engaged to be married next March. He wasn't getting the help he needed..and for all the good that they are presumed to do, the military couldn't manage to find one single opening for him in a counseling program to help him deal with his demons.
We are hoping it's accidental. I've never hoped for anything so much in my life. But god, to go through the heartbreak of realizing that your son couldn't cope with what was going on in his head anymore. I wouldn't want anyone's parents to have to go through that, especially his parents.
And his fiancee. She picked her dress up last Monday. She was getting their place ready for him to come home. And now? It's my worst nightmare come to life.
How am I supposed to appreciate a system that doesn't even appreciate those who are willing to give their life for it? I mean, it's not like Chad and I were close. We weren't. I hung out with him a few times, but always with the other cousins around. But to see his family going through this is something that pulls out the protective side of me. These people are too good to be faced with such a tragedy.
Back on track though...we're moving this week. And thank goodness because I really don't think I could be this together about it if my mind weren't already occupied with everything else going on.
Tuesday, April 15, 2008
Summer Time
Limes and Tequila. Usually they would remind you of summer time and a beach, with the hot sun beating down on you.
But for me, Limes and tequila will always represent the middle of December, and the kind of boy who's really bad for you...but he's completely irresistable.
When I was younger there was one of those boys. It was that point in life when I didn't really care which way was up, as long as I landed on my feet. And he was all wrong. An eternal bad boy to the core, he drove an old camero, dark blue, and didn't really talk but sat in on our conversations with a thoughtful look, as if what we said could never matter.
Being me, I was far too...just too for him. I was too happy, too flighty, too into living to ever be the detatched kind of girl that would ever need him. And that's what he wanted. Someone who needed him.
But some nights, as we all sat around my apartment laughing, there were limes. And he would peel the limes and pull a section off and look at me with those dark eyes. And I would climb into his lap, we would each take a swig of the tequila, and he would put the lime in between his lips..sticking out just enough that I had to fight for my half a little.
I find it strange..I've forgotten the little things that all of the good ones did. The things that I probably should remember. I've stopped drinking tequila, and i haven't actually eaten a lime since that winter. But just the scent...or the taste of lime juice...and I have to smirk a little. Of all the things to remember, I remember the wrong boy, a swig of tequila, and the bitter taste of limes.
But for me, Limes and tequila will always represent the middle of December, and the kind of boy who's really bad for you...but he's completely irresistable.
When I was younger there was one of those boys. It was that point in life when I didn't really care which way was up, as long as I landed on my feet. And he was all wrong. An eternal bad boy to the core, he drove an old camero, dark blue, and didn't really talk but sat in on our conversations with a thoughtful look, as if what we said could never matter.
Being me, I was far too...just too for him. I was too happy, too flighty, too into living to ever be the detatched kind of girl that would ever need him. And that's what he wanted. Someone who needed him.
But some nights, as we all sat around my apartment laughing, there were limes. And he would peel the limes and pull a section off and look at me with those dark eyes. And I would climb into his lap, we would each take a swig of the tequila, and he would put the lime in between his lips..sticking out just enough that I had to fight for my half a little.
I find it strange..I've forgotten the little things that all of the good ones did. The things that I probably should remember. I've stopped drinking tequila, and i haven't actually eaten a lime since that winter. But just the scent...or the taste of lime juice...and I have to smirk a little. Of all the things to remember, I remember the wrong boy, a swig of tequila, and the bitter taste of limes.
Sunday, January 06, 2008
We will be winners...
And as I predicted it is January. And I am me again.
Went to the bridal show this weekend for some ideas on invites and places for my huge family to stay. It was fun. My sisters in law to be always make me feel so at home. They are so helpful and were getting ideas for my bridal shower the whole time.
What a week though. Well, not even week I guess. My brother tells me that he is not moving out when he thought, my sister asks me if she can move in with me, and my stepmother got in trouble with the law. All of this was on Friday. Gotta love family, right???
We are in the midst of save the date cards for the wedding, and I am missing the days when postage was 29 cents. lol.
It's late, and I have a beer and some Jimmy Eat World. Could life get any better?
I received a new camera from J for Christmas. I have only been hinting at it for a year, so he's catching up. haha. Look forward to new pictures of the house, dog, and of course myself in the coming year. A 2 gb memory card kind of gives me reason, don't you think?
Went to the bridal show this weekend for some ideas on invites and places for my huge family to stay. It was fun. My sisters in law to be always make me feel so at home. They are so helpful and were getting ideas for my bridal shower the whole time.
What a week though. Well, not even week I guess. My brother tells me that he is not moving out when he thought, my sister asks me if she can move in with me, and my stepmother got in trouble with the law. All of this was on Friday. Gotta love family, right???
We are in the midst of save the date cards for the wedding, and I am missing the days when postage was 29 cents. lol.
It's late, and I have a beer and some Jimmy Eat World. Could life get any better?
I received a new camera from J for Christmas. I have only been hinting at it for a year, so he's catching up. haha. Look forward to new pictures of the house, dog, and of course myself in the coming year. A 2 gb memory card kind of gives me reason, don't you think?
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